Caitlin and I found ourselves discussing some of our friends and the situations they find themselves in. By the end of the conversation, we felt we had made some neat little categories that most people fall into.
Clashers, wobblers, cyclers, and fidgeters.
The way we named our groups is primarily based on how each personality interacts with other people. See what I mean...
Clashers are aggressive and like attention. They tend to direct conversations in a certain way, and they're not afraid to approach people with a cheerful voice and a big smile. You know that guy at the party that has a whole room full of people intently listening to his story? That guy is a clasher.
Fidgeters, on the other hand, are almost completely the opposite. They feel uncomfortable at the center of attention. They don't really enjoy conversations with people they don't already know, and if they are approached by someone else (like a clasher for example), you can bet the farm that the fidgeter isn't going to give the conversation any substance.
Wobblers and cyclers are in the middle of the two extremes.
Wobblers and cyclers can both handle attention, although they don't really prefer it (well, maybe sometimes they don't mind a little reinforcement). These personalities have both the ability to happily allow someone else do the talking (clasher) and to fill in the gaps for someone who really doesn't want to do any talking (fidgeter). In a few moments we'll get to how wobblers and fidgeters are different.
You're probably wondering where these names are coming from. Well, let me continue...
Caitlin and I began talking about how these different people function in the context of relationships.
Clashers tend to prefer excitement and new experiences. It is difficult for them to simply settle indefinitely because it is enjoyable for them to meet new people, gain new experiences, and express themselves to many different people. There are times though for clashers when they encounter other clashers and the two people are forced to, in a sense, battle it out for the attention in a particular scenario. The result is usually some confrontation, or "clash" you could say.
Fidgeters like to settle though. They like consistency. It makes them feel stronger, and sort of compensates for the fear of creating new relationships with other people. It also allows the fidgeter to "attach" themselves with - to almost find an identity in someone, which they like. Unfortunately, if this attachment were to for some reason or another break, the person's entire world will be affected. We used the term fidgeters because these people don't really come into contact with too many people and sort of keep to themselves. (Imagine a super shy person sort of shaking in fear alone in the corner. I know it's sad as well as an exaggeration, but you sort of get the idea.)
Here's where wobblers and cyclers separate:
Wobblers can hold their own. They can recover from relationships without much long-term damage. They can shake it off. They get "bumped," but don't really go anywhere; nothing really happens. They just.... wobble.
Cyclers are the people that make the same mistakes over and over again. They think they've got what they want figured out, so every time a relationship goes under, they start a new one the exact same way. And that relationship simply results the same way as the first one. They go through cycles (obviously).
So, as I see it, this pretty much categorizes everyone I think I've ever met. There are some exceptions - of course. But for the most part, I bet you can put yourself into one of these categories. So which one is it?
By the way, I should mention that each group is equally balanced between its pro and cons even though I didn't represent them fairly all the time. So I hope you're not afraid to call yourself a clasher for example, or ashamed to call yourself a fidgeter.
Tell me what you think!